on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
