How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im six kinds of drunk right now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
