I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
