I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
