R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize