I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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