Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
