that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
