he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
