I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I puked a lego.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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