this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
