As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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