how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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