whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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