I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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