he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
