Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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