I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
