I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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