At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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