Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
