now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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