I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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