I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
