Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
