He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
