Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
