My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
