So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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