The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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