so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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