I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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