you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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