I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
