hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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