is wine microwaveable?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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