The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
