to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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