He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
