I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
