after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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