that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Terrible idea I love it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
