That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
