I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
