Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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