Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
