I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
