Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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