sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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