I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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