If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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