I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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