Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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