got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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