I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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