i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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