I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
