so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
