i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
