I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
