I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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