I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
