woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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