what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
