it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
