dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
