I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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