it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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