I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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