Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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