His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
