I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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