there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
