I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I supernannyed him into submission
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
