I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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