We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think your dad took our porno
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
