oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
